Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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