ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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