the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I can't put those talents on a resume
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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