I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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