i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
