Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
