Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
