Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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