haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
