so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
