I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
