i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
