I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
