Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im holly from the hills drunk
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
