I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
