I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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