Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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