I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
