Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
