new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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