this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
