She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize