I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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