I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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