But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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