Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
