3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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