I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
