i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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