ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
