we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think my vagina is haunted
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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