Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
