ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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