Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i've created a new STD.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
