This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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