Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
PANTIES FOUND
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
