Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
