I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
is that a dick in a sweater?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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