I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
