I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Please, let me fuck your mom
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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