So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize