How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
