around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
