When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
