my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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