Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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