She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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