forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
