first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
pray to the hookup gods
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
