what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
