margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
