After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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