I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
