There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize