y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
