why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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