Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
