You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
