I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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