:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
