My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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