man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish i was in the wii world.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
