so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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