I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
