please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
