He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My liver just broke up with me...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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