i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
