Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
