Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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