imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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