The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
