Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
