So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
