did you get engaged???
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize