For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
