my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
